Teaching resources for primary schools:
Further sessions coming soon.
Click here for sayings, quotes, stories, wit and wisdom, all categorised under subject headings. Selected highlights are displayed below:
"The arc of the moral universe is long but it bends towards justice." (Martin Luther King Jr,. quoted in the New Yorker, and The Week).
"Criticism is something we can avoid easily by saying nothing, doing nothing and being nothing." (Aristotle quoted in the Independent and The Week).
'Mrs Irene Graham of Thorpe Avenue, Boscombe, delighted the audience with her reminiscence of the German prisoner of war who was sent each week to do her garden. He was repatriated at the end of 1945, she recalled. "He'd always seemed a nice friendly chap, but when the crocuses came up in the middle of our lawn in February 1946, they spelt out Heil Hitler".' (Bournemouth Evening Echo, quoted on Radio 4's The News Quiz)
'Commenting on a complaint from a Mr.Arthur Purdey about a large gas bill, a spokesman for North West gas said "We agree it was rather high for the time of year. It's possible Mr.Purdey has been charged for the gas used up during the explosion that blew his house to pieces".' (Bangkok Post, quoted on Radio 4's The News Quiz)'
A.A. Gill's description of the Welsh: "loquacious dissemblers, immoral liars, stunted, bigoted, dark, ugly, pugnacious little trolls" (quoted in The Week, 13 May 2006, p.3)
‘I eat like a vulture. Unfortunately the resemblance doesn’t end there.’ (Groucho Marx, p.12, Showbiz in Quotes 1990).
‘I never forget a face, but I’ll make an exception in your case.’ (Groucho Marx, p. 44, Showbiz in Quotes 1990)
'The problem with beauty is that it's like being born rich and getting poorer' (Joan Collins, quoted in The Observer)
Sign in a Norwegian cocktail lounge: "Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar."
How many United Methodists does it take to change a light bulb?
'Fashion is what you adopt when you don't know who you are' (Quentin Crisp, quoted in The Observer)
‘I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work … I want to achieve it through not dying.’ (W. Allen, p. 9, Showbiz in Quotes 1990)
'Trickle-down theory -- the less than elegant metaphor that if one feeds the hourse enough oats, some will pass throuhg to the road for the sparrows' (JK Galbraith)
'There are two sorts of forecasters: those who don't know, and those who don't know that they don't know.' (JK Galbraith, quoted in The Times)
'Happiness is not getting what you want; it is wanting what you have' (Prfessor Andrew Clark, quoted in the Observer)
'History does not repeat itself but it rhymes.' (Mark Twain, quoted in The Times).
‘Egotism – usually just a case of mistaken nonentity’ (Barbara Stanwyck, p.20, Showbiz in Quotes 1990)
'Necessity is the plea for every infringement of human freedom. It is the argument of tyrants; it is the creed of slaves.' (William Pitt the Younger, quoted in The Independent).
‘Every bishop has a crook on his staff’ (anon, p. 20, PQB)
'If you can stay calm, while all around you is chaos . . . then you probably haven't completely understood the seriousness of the situation.'
‘The clergy of the Church of England are all that stand between this country and immediate religious revival’ (George Bernard Shaw, quoted in ‘The Parson’s Quotation Book’, Jeffrey ed.)
Advert in window of an Army and Navy store: “Now is the Discount of our Winter Tents”
'Irish police are being handicapped in a search for a stolen van, because they cannot issue a description. It's a special branch vehicle, and they don't want the public to know what it looks like.' (The Guardian, quoted on Radio 4's The News Quiz)
'After being charged £20 for a £10 overdraft, 30 year old Michael Howard of Leeds changed his name by deed poll to Yorkshire Bank PLC Are Fascist Bastards. The bank has now asked him to close his account, and Mr. Bastards has asked them to repay the 69p balance, by cheque, made out in his new name.' (The Guardian, quoted on Radio 4's The News Quiz)
'Would the congregation please note that the bowl at the back of the church labelled 'for the sick' is for monetary donations only.' (Churchtown Parish Magazine, quoted on Radio 4's The News Quiz)
'6.10pm: Pride and Prejudice. Mr. Bennett's estranged cousin, Mr.Collins, writes to announce his imminent visit to Longbourne - the house he will inherit on Mr.Bennett's death. Mrs. Bennett rallies the residents to stop him setting up a minicab service.' (Hampstead and Highgate Express, quoted on Radio 4's The News Quiz)
'A young girl who was blown out to sea on a set of inflatable teeth was rescued by a man on an inflatable lobster. A coastguard spokesman commented, "this sort of thing is all too common".' (The Times, quoted on Radio 4's The News Quiz)
At the height of the gale, the harbourmaster radioed a coastguard on the spot and asked him to estimate the wind speed. He replied that he was sorry, but he didn't have a gauge. However, if it was any help, the wind had just blown his Land Rover off the cliff. (Aberdeen Evening Express, quoted on Radio 4's The News Quiz)
'Many a flow'r is born to blush unseen and waste its sweetness on the desert air.' (Thomas Gray, quoted in the Metro, 27 March 2007, p.10)
Click here for Gwilym Pryce's contact details.
Go to www.geebeejey.co.uk to order Inference and Statistics in SPSS by Gwilym Pryce (GeeBeeJey Publishing).